I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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