He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
