I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
