We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
