dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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