Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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