i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
