You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
