bring money and cleavage
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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