i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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