I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
