Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
