haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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