"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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