And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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