don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
