i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
