Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
