I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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