I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
