ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
