They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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