he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
