I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
