Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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