If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
