found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize