I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
