Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize