I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
