It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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