did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
