I cannot find my penis.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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