I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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