Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
