there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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