Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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