My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
