dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
