Do you still have your period?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
