Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I did not marry a roomba.
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