I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
