I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
