I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
