Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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