Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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