Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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