I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
