I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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