I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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