I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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