mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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