Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
