This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
