Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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