I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize