I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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