I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
