"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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