I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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