That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize