What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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