Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
