wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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