just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
