I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
