Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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