Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
