did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So much Jack, so little girl.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
