I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize