I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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