one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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