The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pants are for mortals
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
