your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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