all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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