whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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