you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
