i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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