I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
