So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
