so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
