it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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