His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
