i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
