I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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