Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize