so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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