when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
