I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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