So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
