how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
