you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize