I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
nutella sex= disaster
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
