Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
