thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
