At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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