just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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