the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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