I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
