There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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