You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
