fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
