There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
