Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
