im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize