We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
