You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
