she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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