I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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