it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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