508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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