its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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