Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
