It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
